blip blop blah

by Guest Sun May 01, 2011 10:42 pm

well, that's how I am feeling right now...

took care of this BIL (husband's cousin), almost like a kid when he came fresh from India... saw him graduate, find work, fall in love, bring the girl here from India, lie to all elders as they live in.. advocated for their marriage, attended it with fun and fair...welcomed the new girl, kids got so close to her, and now...it's all over....hard to see a man's heart broken this way, specially when he hugs you and cries on your shoulder....

why are 20's of today so childish...sigh...

by Guest Sun May 01, 2011 10:46 pm

so are 30s of today :-|
it cud happen to anyone. 20s got little to do with childishness.
i hope he feels better soon.

by Guest Sun May 01, 2011 11:04 pm

the whole thing feels so bleh... I should have realized this when 3-4 weeks ago I saw that she is not on my FB anymore... but dhakkan that I am, or maybe I was preoccupied with my own stuff, I was puzzled and added her again, to which she responded with a connect... That's how much I DID NOT think anything is wrong... 2-3 weeks ago, he had even come to visit us w/o her, but said that's coz she already had a weekend planned with friends... sounded odd, but I knew she's pretty social, so I let it go... only today did he tell us when we went to other cousins, and told me about it, since I was in India when all this transpired... Didn't know what to say, we went out to talk, and were standing in the sun for one hour taking in the news, even as the shade and chairs were right next to us... I could not even sit or find shade, that much was the state of my shock.

by Guest Sun May 01, 2011 11:10 pm

and ya.. today he told her that FYI we all know this and are supporting him...2 hours later, I was kicked out of her FB.... so much for my intention of thinking that I will send her a note and ask her to talk to me if she wishes.

by mickeybrowneyes Mon May 02, 2011 10:25 am

Tracy Whitney wrote:and ya.. today he told her that FYI we all know this and are supporting him...2 hours later, I was kicked out of her FB.... so much for my intention of thinking that I will send her a note and ask her to talk to me if she wishes.

So, what happened? Why did she do what she did - accd. to him?
Bolo Bolo...

by Guest Mon May 02, 2011 10:40 am

no idea, actually I do, but it's my policy to not conclude anything if there's a possibility for me to get more info and from both sides, if possible (have had too many judges and lawyers in the family)... he was a confused mess himself... I had to literally shoot down many theories that he kept coming up with... but both seem like garam khoon, and I am not sure if there is any salvaging possible, specially as more and more 'advisors' get added into this mess.

My only takeaway is, the lure and power of the Western culture is a bit hard to overcome, specially if you an easily impressionable person. Ya I know, this is the first time that I am blaming the Westerm influence, coz I believe to keep a 'global' outlook towards everything, but [western influence] is far too apparent in this case.

by mickeybrowneyes Mon May 02, 2011 10:53 am

Tracy Whitney wrote:no idea, actually I do, but it's my policy to not conclude anything if there's a possibility for me to get more info and from both sides, if possible (have had too many judges and lawyers in the family)... he was a confused mess himself... I had to literally shoot down many theories that he kept coming up with... but both seem like garam khoon, and I am not sure if there is any salvaging possible, specially as more and more 'advisors' get added into this mess.

My only takeaway is, the lure and power of the Western culture is a bit hard to overcome, specially if you an easily impressionable person. Ya I know, this is the first time that I am blaming the Westerm influence, coz I believe to keep a 'global' outlook towards everything, but [western influence] is far too apparent in this case.

Western Culture? Hmm...

I've had a similar "situation" come up in my circle...the guy was a mess in this case too - Blood boilage on both sides was one of the many reasons. In their case, it was small slights, frustrations, disagreements, harsh words here and there - all reaching a final crescendo and her moving out with their son...

...small things...but, are they?

Who's to blame in such situations? The protagonists, their reluctance to communicate a.k.a hug it out, myriad advisors (both American/Indian) with their own agendas?

by Guest Mon May 02, 2011 11:01 am

mickeybrowneyes wrote:
In their case, it was small slights, frustrations, disagreements, harsh words here and there - all reaching a final crescendo and her moving out with their son...

...small things...but, are they?

Seemed like sort of same scene here, but there might be more to the story, the discovery of which totally broke him down. Not sure what followed what, and too early for me to start playing blame game.

On one hand, I want to reach out to her and talk to her, but the fact that she deleted me is making me hesitant... I don't care if shes 'shouts' at me, like she did to his and her parents... Nothing that a 12-year-old didn't prepare me for already. However, I didn't have much relationship with her.. I used to treat her like a kid, and she too would visit us just to play with my kids anyway. On other hand, there's literally a big pile up of stuff happening in my own life, that I am wondering if I should venture... see - western influence on my own decisions.. if this was India, I would have dived right into it.

by mickeybrowneyes Mon May 02, 2011 11:06 am

Tracy Whitney wrote:
mickeybrowneyes wrote:
In their case, it was small slights, frustrations, disagreements, harsh words here and there - all reaching a final crescendo and her moving out with their son...

...small things...but, are they?

Seemed like sort of same scene here, but there might be more to the story, the discovery of which totally broke him down. Not sure what followed what, and too early for me to start playing blame game.

On one hand, I want to reach out to her and talk to her, but the fact that she deleted me is making me hesitant... I don't care if shes 'shouts' at me, like she did to his and her parents... Nothing that a 12-year-old didn't prepare me for already. However, I didn't have much relationship with her.. I used to treat her like a kid, and she too would visit us just to play with my kids anyway. On other hand, there's literally a big pile up of stuff happening in my own life, that I am wondering if I should venture... see - western influence on my own decisions.. if this was India, I would have dived right into it.

I'd send a message and this is what I did.

"Hey I'm here to talk if you want to...Judgement Free and Respectfully. Really."

Don't want a coulda-shoulda later, no?

by Guest Mon May 02, 2011 11:08 am

I was phrasing a similar sms... sms, and not email coz I don't know which one of her email id's he hacked into... 'xyz, I am not sure how much you trust me, but I am here if you want to talk to me'.

by SomeProfile Mon May 02, 2011 1:15 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:there might be more to the story, the discovery of which totally broke him down.

Was there a third party involvement? Pati, patni aur woh types?

by Guest Mon May 02, 2011 1:27 pm

hope not.. it would be case closed then.

by Hellsangel Mon May 02, 2011 1:29 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:hope not.. it would be case closed then.

Usually the woh is not what closes the case. The woh is the result of what led to the case closing.

by Guest Mon May 02, 2011 1:40 pm

never underestimate the power of wrong company in weak times, or times when you are specially heady about something... same emotional state, and a strong friend will help you stay levelled, while a bad one will lead you further astray... it's all a matter of luck, and some maturity on your own part.

by SomeProfile Mon May 02, 2011 2:44 pm

Send me her email address, please. I can be a strong friend.

by Guest Mon May 02, 2011 2:48 pm

SomeProfile wrote:Send me her email address, please. I can be a strong friend.

lol.... shoo

by SomeProfile Mon May 02, 2011 2:52 pm

Is it too early to ask?

Really, I can turn the tide in any direction you want. Break her heart and make her run back to him? Done. Just break her heart for revenge and leave her out in the cold? Done. Give her the right advice and help her get back on track to make a healthy life? Done. Whatever you want.

by Kris Mon May 02, 2011 11:43 pm

Seems to be happening more and more these days among indians. One aspect I have noticed is going in with the idea of ' if it works, great, if it doesn't, well...'

Not exactly conducive to working thru issues when problems come up in the early days. Little things accumulate and the relationship starts to spiral out of control. I am talking in generalities of course, since I obviously don't the specifics in this case

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Tue May 03, 2011 12:15 am

Heard a couple recently filed for divorce.

Love marriage conducted by both sides after 2 years of eloping. just after 1 yr of marriage. Both well to do and working in "IT" It is going to cost the boy's side money (will know details in months).

Both are indian born, bread, with little direct exposure to the west.

by Merlot Daruwala Tue May 03, 2011 6:15 am

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:Both are indian born, bread, with little direct exposure to the west.

Today's Indian born bread, I tell ya. Why can't these kulchas and naans get along, like in their parents' generation??

by Another Brick Tue May 03, 2011 6:26 am

Merlot Daruwala wrote:
Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:Both are indian born, bread, with little direct exposure to the west.

Today's Indian born bread, I tell ya. Why can't these kulchas and naans get along, like in their parents' generation??

hahaha. i suspect they can't stand the heat in the tandoor. either of the parties has to part with a lot of dough in the process though.

regards
lameshwar

by Guest Tue May 03, 2011 6:44 am

Lol. Yeah. He had brought her here. Her father had said point blank he won't fund her ms so he paid for it (this was even one year before they actually got married). They lived together ofcourse and he managed the rent. Marriage was all funded by his family and done with dhoom dhaam (he is an only child). He helped her find a job. Changed city, then state to where she eventually found one. Lost 1000s of $$ in breaking 2 apt. leases. Bought a new car for her. She's paying monthly installments but he had put down the 6-7 k. When he asked, 'when u had thought of leaving me already you should have atleast stopped me from changing states and incurring further losses', she acknowledged it and said with shrug, 'I'm sorry'.

by SomeProfile Tue May 03, 2011 11:17 am

Tracy Whitney wrote: When he asked, 'when u had thought of leaving me already you should have atleast stopped me from changing states and incurring further losses', she acknowledged it and said with shrug, 'I'm sorry'.

That's cold. Bitches can be fucking cold. That is why I don't do anything more nicer for them than look them in the eyes and say they have nice tits.

by mickeybrowneyes Tue May 03, 2011 1:01 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:Lol. Yeah. He had brought her here. Her father had said point blank he won't fund her ms so he paid for it (this was even one year before they actually got married). They lived together ofcourse and he managed the rent. Marriage was all funded by his family and done with dhoom dhaam (he is an only child). He helped her find a job. Changed city, then state to where she eventually found one. Lost 1000s of $$ in breaking 2 apt. leases. Bought a new car for her. She's paying monthly installments but he had put down the 6-7 k. When he asked, 'when u had thought of leaving me already you should have atleast stopped me from changing states and incurring further losses', she acknowledged it and said with shrug, 'I'm sorry'.

Ouch...

Based on what I've read so far - if you ask him if he'd do it (losing $, moving etc) again - he probably would!

by Guest Tue May 03, 2011 1:09 pm

mickeybrowneyes wrote:
Ouch...

Based on what I've read so far - if you ask him if he'd do it (losing $, moving etc) again - he probably would!

Not sure... this was his first ever relationship, and he is badly burnt. He was already sounding too bitter.

Guess what my daughter was telling me the other day, and this was before we heard this, 'Mommy, I want to have an arranged marriage coz 43% of love marriages fail'. She may have heard/read this in her India visit... now she's is convinced.

by Guest Tue May 03, 2011 1:23 pm

funny mbe, you were right...

the other day he was pissed, and I kept telling him to keep cool, and give her a benefit of doubt...

now, I think she's a bitch, and he has concluded that she is innocent and could be easily swayed so maybe he should go ahead and protect her.

by mickeybrowneyes Tue May 03, 2011 1:31 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:funny mbe, you were right...

the other day he was pissed, and I kept telling him to keep cool, and give her a benefit of doubt...

now, I think she's a bitch, and he has concluded that she is innocent and could be easily swayed so maybe he should go ahead and protect her.

Oh...if I was right about that; read on...

It's part everything - "I truly have always loved her; I know she will come back to me; I've invested too much of myself into this relationship to give up now; how could this happen to me".

Him walking away and giving up... not happening (that easily). No one can will him otherwise...

You didn't mention kids; hope they don't have any....

Also, as saar said above - it's going to get costly...

by SomeProfile Tue May 03, 2011 1:32 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:now, I think she's a bitch

Think about it. All the more reason to give me her email address. You know what a dampening force I can be.

by Guest Tue May 03, 2011 1:36 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:Lol. Yeah. He had brought her here. Her father had said point blank he won't fund her ms so he paid for it (this was even one year before they actually got married). They lived together ofcourse and he managed the rent. Marriage was all funded by his family and done with dhoom dhaam (he is an only child). He helped her find a job. Changed city, then state to where she eventually found one. Lost 1000s of $$ in breaking 2 apt. leases. Bought a new car for her. She's paying monthly installments but he had put down the 6-7 k. When he asked, 'when u had thought of leaving me already you should have atleast stopped me from changing states and incurring further losses', she acknowledged it and said with shrug, 'I'm sorry'.

all this happened in a span of how many years? did he buy the car b4 or after shadi? how cud he have not seen it coming!!! or maybe he wasnt ready to face the facts and kept doing her favors hoping it will make her stay.
she shudn't have accpted all this from him if she wasnt planning on continuing with him Sad

a lot of couples i know live in different cities due to jobs etc. why did he choose to go with her? i mean right from the start...next time he shud take things slow.

goodluck to ur BIL

by Guest Tue May 03, 2011 1:38 pm

I told him to somehow to get her to sit down and talk w/o tempers flying, and ask her point blank whatever suspicions he has. Aage, whatever happens, it'd be for his own good, and we are there to support him. Focus on work 9-5, coz nothing else will help him get out of this mess.

by Guest Tue May 03, 2011 1:44 pm

oh so he is suspicious about her...well i think i can imagine why she doesnt wana be with him anymore...( although i hope she doesnt wana be with him any-less either)...i mean the point is, he shud trust her or he shudnt have married her in the first place. and by moving with her and buying her car and paying for her apt, he was only buying himself some time...she wasnt gona stay if he didnt trust her.
let it cool...dont force her to sit down and talk right away...she'll talk whn shez ready. i hope they sort it out. i know ultimately if they love each other, nothing else will matter...all the harsh words-forgiven, cheatings- forgiven (with punishments) and suspicions will disappear :-)

by Guest Tue May 03, 2011 1:55 pm

here's the timeline:

he happened to go to india 4 years ago when boy-hunt was going on for her... he'd always liked her, but thot she's above his league in terms of looks and popularity... this visit though, she line-maaroed him a bit much over new year's eve, calling him in for coffee and so on. Then SHE proposed to him. Same night, his vigilant mom - who didn't know this yet - sat him down and asked him NOT to propose to her for family reasons. They hated her dad.

So he came back all confused.. kept talking to her, confused... finally two months, later he proposed back to her, when she said she can't wait any more... 2-3 months later, he told his rents... 2-3 weeks later, they agreed. 6 months later, she came here. He funded her MS, as he wanted her to study further and be independent. 6 months later, he found something deeply disturbing about her and wanted to break it off.. she cried and begged to keep the engagement, he agreed... 6 months later, they got married. 1 year later, she graduated. TEN months later, she finally got a job... 2 months laters, she made new friends at work... 2 months after that she went on an overnight trip. 1 day after that, she began showing tevars, told him to stay away from her, not touch, hug, anything... 2 months later (All the while him begging to do counseling), she got her H1 and she left him to live with a (female colleague). Said she'll rethink and come back in 2 weeks. But 2 weeks later, she rented her own apartment. One week later, he hacked into her email account. 1 day later he told us. And is now devastated.

by SomeProfile Tue May 03, 2011 2:04 pm

Confirmed! There is a third person involved here. She was or is involved with some other guy.

by SomeProfile Tue May 03, 2011 2:05 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:6 months later, he found something deeply disturbing about her and wanted to break it off.. she cried and begged to keep the engagement, he agreed...

What was it that was deeply disturbing?

by Guest Tue May 03, 2011 2:06 pm

she met one of her ex boyfriends 2-3 times after their engagement and before she came here.

by Guest Tue May 03, 2011 2:07 pm

wats the difference between post rply and quick reply?

by mickeybrowneyes Tue May 03, 2011 2:09 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:she met one of her ex boyfriends 2-3 times after their engagement and before she came here.

Meeting? As in for coffee?! Or...

by Hellsangel Tue May 03, 2011 2:10 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:she met one of her ex boyfriends 2-3 times after their engagement and before she came here.

Met?

by Guest Tue May 03, 2011 2:12 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:she met one of her ex boyfriends 2-3 times after their engagement and before she came here.

see this is wat i am talkin abt. it shudnt bother him too much. really! so she met them...so wat? shez the one who proposed to him..didnt she? he shud ve acted cool then. nobody likes insecure bfs where u constantly have to reassure ur loyalty/love for them.

dont get me wrong, i am not on the girl's side here. wat she did was wrong. all i am saying is she prolly had her reasons. ur BIL invested more in the relationship comparatively...made sacrifices etc and sounds like sm1 who is very emotional and needs reassurances all the time. maybe that turned her off ?

by Guest Tue May 03, 2011 2:16 pm

yeah, met... and I am the one who is asking him - for a coffee or what? But he says she continued to keep in touch with them. And one even showed up to their wedding... to me this is deeply possessive on his part, but it is what it is.

(In our case, my HUSBAND had invited my ex for the wedding. I was like WTH. He was like, 'so what, he's my friend'. But the ex didn't come. Just sent one of his younger cousins (who was my fave), with flowers. )

She was stupid too. Would tell him in graphic details about her drunken rivalry with them...

Anyhoo.. I am telling him.. maybe this new guy at work, who she went out with... in the emails, only HE is flirting with her. She doesn't seem to reciprocate. So I was telling BIL, that maybe she was just seeking emotional support, and man are lafanges only.. he must be flirting in return... so don't jump to conclusions that she slept with him. Ask her if you have to.

by Guest Tue May 03, 2011 2:17 pm

see. he's only telling her this much. If he was so upset, I am assuming there might be more to it, coz he told me that she cried and said, 'I will be loyal to you after marriage, I promise'.

by Propagandhi711 Tue May 03, 2011 2:17 pm

Hellsangel wrote:
Tracy Whitney wrote:she met one of her ex boyfriends 2-3 times after their engagement and before she came here.
Met?

came.

by doofus_maximus Tue May 03, 2011 2:28 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:yeah, met... and I am the one who is asking him - for a coffee or what? But he says she continued to keep in touch with them. And one even showed up to their wedding... to me this is deeply possessive on his part, but it is what it is.

(In our case, my HUSBAND had invited my ex for the wedding. I was like WTH. He was like, 'so what, he's my friend'. But the ex didn't come. Just sent one of his younger cousins (who was my fave), with flowers. )

She was stupid too. Would tell him in graphic details about her drunken rivalry with them...

Anyhoo.. I am telling him.. maybe this new guy at work, who she went out with... in the emails, only HE is flirting with her. She doesn't seem to reciprocate. So I was telling BIL, that maybe she was just seeking emotional support, and man are lafanges only.. he must be flirting in return... so don't jump to conclusions that she slept with him. Ask her if you have to.

hundred times..

drunken revelry
drunken revelry

just in case so that no one misses TW.

by Guest Tue May 03, 2011 2:34 pm

damn, i can't edit my post... yes yes revelry.

btw, it's LW, not TW.. HAA

by jayZ Tue May 03, 2011 2:50 pm

SomeProfile wrote:
Tracy Whitney wrote:6 months later, he found something deeply disturbing about her and wanted to break it off.. she cried and begged to keep the engagement, he agreed...

What was it that was deeply disturbing?

**
He found her with a lovestick!

by doofus_maximus Tue May 03, 2011 2:51 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:damn, i can't edit my post... yes yes revelry.

btw, it's LW, not TW.. HAA

shittake mushrooms.. i can never be TW or LW..

by mickeybrowneyes Tue May 03, 2011 2:51 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:damn, i can't edit my post... yes yes revelry.

btw, it's LW, not TW.. HAA

ROFL...

by artood2 Tue May 03, 2011 2:56 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:yeah, met... and I am the one who is asking him - for a coffee or what? But he says she continued to keep in touch with them. And one even showed up to their wedding... to me this is deeply possessive on his part, but it is what it is.

(In our case, my HUSBAND had invited my ex for the wedding. I was like WTH. He was like, 'so what, he's my friend'. But the ex didn't come. Just sent one of his younger cousins (who was my fave), with flowers. )

She was stupid too. Would tell him in graphic details about her drunken rivalry with them...

Anyhoo.. I am telling him.. maybe this new guy at work, who she went out with... in the emails, only HE is flirting with her. She doesn't seem to reciprocate. So I was telling BIL, that maybe she was just seeking emotional support, and man are lafanges only.. he must be flirting in return... so don't jump to conclusions that she slept with him. Ask her if you have to.

Seen these movies before. there is a whole genre out there. always the same ending.

by mickeybrowneyes Tue May 03, 2011 3:05 pm

Seen these movies before. there is a whole genre out there. always the same ending.

And...what is the ending?

by artood2 Tue May 03, 2011 3:08 pm

The guy is a drunken mess and the bytch is off to a new ride. The "sorry" is always without any remorse, a protocol step. Some guys still suck it up.

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