Re: jokes thread (english, hindi, tamil telugu etc.)

[Guest]

[Idéfix]

[Guest]

LMAO!

[Guest]

LMAO!

omg, didn't know I had OCD all along.

[Guest]

yes!! my kinda guy!

[Guest]

A Slogan on the t-shirt of a BOY:

Do Not Disturb, I am COMMITTED and Already Disturbed...

[Guest]

[Guest]

[Guest]

funniest joke ever



A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

[Guest]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

seven, get up from the floor. people are laughing at you. mirgi ka daura pada hai kya?

[artood2]

[Merlot Daruwala]

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in the possession of a ruler, a protractor, compasses, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

'Al Gebra is a problem for us,' the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle." '

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.

Governor Mitt Romney meanwhile plans to take up the issue in the third Presidential debate by accusing Obama and his administration of not being able to decode the code of the Al Gebra movement and going slow on them on them behind all the rhetoric. Meanwhile Secretary Clinton has taken the blame for not moving quickly enough in distinguishing between real and imaginary numbers Governor Romney campaign aides have accused her of not caring an iota !!

[Guest]

Ha Ha! Here is American media's open letter to Al Gebra's leader:

[Guest]

[Guest]

p.s. i saw her in bolo ram sometime back. looked beautiful. great movie too.

[Guest]

[Guest]

When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

[Guest]

@ second one.

[Bittu]

https://imgur.com/8R0jf

[Hellsangel]

Urw

[Guest]

Rahul Gandhi: Maa hum is desh ko kab tak lootenge?

Sonia Gandhi: beta JAB TAK HAI JAAN

Rahul: aur hamari help kaun karega?

Sonia Gandhi: SON OF SARDAR



disclaimer: i like our PM MMSingh and the joke is just for laughs

[Guest]

[Guest]

What the heck! This shld actually be in the jokes thread, not just in the 'movies' section. I'm reading it again and having a hearty laugh! I'll let you guys do the ing too!

http://mumbaiboss.com/2012/11/15/the-vigil-idiot-jab-tak-hai-jaan/

[Guest]

[Guest]

[Guest]

Agar Sochte hai ki sirf apna DP Black-Dot dene yaa Social networking pe intellectual bakchodi pel dene se aapne againts 'rape' koi action/protest kiya yaa gandi soch wale sudhar jayenge toh Bina kahe hi samajh jaao ki Aap Chutiye Hain

ps. my contribution -- i have taught my kids not to commit crime against women. rest is up to god.

[Guest]

Marwadi Boy fell in LOVE with a Sindhi Girl.

Sindhi Girl: Jab Dad so jayenge to me gali me SIKKA fekungi, awaz sunkar tum andar aa jana!

But ladka sikka fekne ke ek ghante baad aaya.

Sindhi Girl: Itni der kyo laga di?

Marwari Boy: Wo mai sikka DHUND raha tha! Mila hi nahin!

Sindhi Girl: Pagal woh to DHAAGA BAANDH ke feka tha, wapas khich liya!

[Guest]

ha ha ha @ sindhi girl. berri smart.

[Guest]

Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"

Taurus: "I'm hungry--pass the pizza."

Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"

Cancer: "When are we getting married?"

Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"

Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."

Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."

Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."

Sagittarius: "Don't call me--I'll call you."

Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?"

Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"

Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"

[Guest]

Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."

LOL! Don't know abt others, but spot on abt librans.

[Bittu]

A woman goes to a pet store and buys a parrot. Before she leaves the owner warns her that the Parrot had previously lived in a brothel and might have picked up some salty language. When she gets the bird home he looks around and says "New house." She puts the bird down in the house and the parrot observes her for a moment before saying "New Madam." The woman shrugs and thinks that it's not so bad. Shortly after the woman's two daughters return from school and see the new pet. The Parrot looks at them and says "New girls." Then her husband comes home from work and the parrot looks over at him and says: "Hi Bill."

[Guest]

[Bittu]

Santa & ladki sex kar rahe the.. Achanak ladki ka husband aa gaya.. Ladki ne santa ko cupboard mei chhupa dia but uski gotiyan darwaze ke bahar reh gaye.. Husband: ye kya hai.? Wife: ye maine nayi bell lagwayi hai.

Husband ne hila kar dekha, koi aawaj ni aayi, zor se hilaya phir bhi koi aawaj nahi ayi.Phir usne zor se mukka mara to Santa cupboard se bahar akar rote hue bola...

Tiinggtonggg Bhenchod Tinggtongg

[Bittu]

My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice "there's something i must confess." "Sshh" i said. "There's nothing to confess. Everything's alright." "No. I must die in peace. I fucked your Brother, your best friend, his best friend and your Dad!" "I know." I whispered. "That's why i poisoned you, you cunt. Now shutup and fucking die!"

[Guest]

Santa & ladki sex kar rahe the.. Achanak ladki ka husband aa gaya.. Ladki ne santa ko cupboard mei chhupa dia but uski gotiyan darwaze ke bahar reh gaye.. Husband: ye kya hai.? Wife: ye maine nayi bell lagwayi hai.

Husband ne hila kar dekha, koi aawaj ni aayi, zor se hilaya phir bhi koi aawaj nahi ayi.Phir usne zor se mukka mara to Santa cupboard se bahar akar rote hue bola...

Tiinggtonggg Bhenchod Tinggtongg

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO too hilarious!!! this made my day.

bittu died and went to hell.

yamraj -- isko garam oil me fry karo.

3 ghante beet gaye

yamraj -- isse abhi tak fry kyun nhi kiya?
daasi -- ye itna harami hai ki chula jalane ke liye jhuko to gand maar leta hai.

[Guest]

Santa & ladki sex kar rahe the.. Achanak ladki ka husband aa gaya.. Ladki ne santa ko cupboard mei chhupa dia but uski gotiyan darwaze ke bahar reh gaye.. Husband: ye kya hai.? Wife: ye maine nayi bell lagwayi hai.

Husband ne hila kar dekha, koi aawaj ni aayi, zor se hilaya phir bhi koi aawaj nahi ayi.Phir usne zor se mukka mara to Santa cupboard se bahar akar rote hue bola...

Tiinggtonggg Bhenchod Tinggtongg

LMAO!! this is the funniest joke i've heard in agesssss. just googled it -- its origin appears to be fb.

[Guest]

US - If u attack us, we will attack u
ISRAEL-If u attack us, we will demolish u
INDIA-If u attack us, v will not play Cricket with U... Katti

[Guest]

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean, “In return for your unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward you with your choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.”

“Give me infinite wisdom!” declares the dean, without hesitation.

Done!” says the angel before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

All heads now turn to the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. “Well,” says a colleague, “say something brilliant.”

The dean stands and, with the poise of Socrates, opines, “I should have taken the money.”

[Guest]

A few weeks after the death of my father-in-law, I found my seven-year-old son crying in bed. His grandmother had died the previous year, and he was taking it all very hard. "You know, Kyle," I said, "when we die, we’ll get to see Grandma and Grandpa again in heaven."

With tears spilling down his face, Kyle cried, "That’s easy for you to say. You don’t have that long!"

[Idéfix]

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean, “In return for your unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward you with your choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.”

“Give me infinite wisdom!” declares the dean, without hesitation.

Done!” says the angel before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

All heads now turn to the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. “Well,” says a colleague, “say something brilliant.”

The dean stands and, with the poise of Socrates, opines, “I should have taken the money.”

[Guest]

A Biker stops when he notices a young girl who's about to jump off a bridge.
He asks her: Do U mind giving me the final Kiss before you jump?
She quietly accepted & gave him one of the deepest lingering kisses he had ever had.
When she finished, He said: Wow, this is the best Kiss

[Guest]

A Biker stops when he notices a young girl who's about to jump off a bridge.
He asks her: Do U mind giving me the final Kiss before you jump?
She quietly accepted & gave him one of the deepest lingering kisses he had ever had.
When she finished, He said: Wow, this is the best Kiss

excuse me, but where is the joke in this?

[Guest]

A guy asked a girl in a library, "do u mind if I sit beside you?".
The girl with aloud voice "I dont want to spend the night with u !!"
All in library started staring at the guy & he was embarrased.
Girl quietly told to guy " I study pshchology and I know the thinkings..I guess u felt embarrased..right?"
The guy wid loud voice "5000 just for one night..that's too much"
All looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered in her years " I study law & I know how to make someone feel guilty..!"

[Guest]

1. Sindhi: Yeh banana kaise diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Sindhi: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chhilka milega.
Sindhi: Le 40 paise, chilka rakh aur kela de de.


2. Sindhi on his deathbed.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife: Yes, I'm here
My sons daughters r u all here?
Yes, Papa
Sindhi: To phir bahar wale kamre
ka pankha kyun chal raha hai ???


3. Sindhi 14th floor se neeche gira
Girte waqt usne
apne ghar ki khidki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla ke bola:
MERI ROTI NAHIN PAKANA!


4. Sindhi ne Sheikh ko khoon de ke uski jaan bachai.
Sheikh ne use MERCEDES gift kar di.
Sheikh ko phir khoon ki zaroorat padi,
Sindhi ne phir khoon diya.
Ab ki baar Sheikh ne till wale laddu gift kiye,
Sindhi: (Gusse se): Mercedes kyun nahin di?
Sheikh: Munna!!! Ab hamare andar bhi sindhi ka khoon daud raha hai:)


5. Sindhi called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Chacha mar gaya hai,
obituary ke kya
charges honge?
Newspaper: Rs.50 per word.
Sindhi: Oh bahut zyaada hain, Achha likho "Chacha Guzar Gaye"
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Sindhi: Oh ho! Zara sochne do..... Achha likho....... ......... .
Chacha Guzar Gaye - Maruti for Sale ..


6. Sindhi asks a Taxi Driver: CP wale gurudware jayega kya?
Taxi Driver: Haan ji jaoonga.
Sindhi ne jeb se lunchbox nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ka khana lete aana.


7. Sindhi ko bhoot chadh gaya ,
3 din baad bhoot khud ek ojha ke paas gaya aur bola,
Ojha sahab mujhe bahar nikalo..! Warna main to bhookha hi mar jaoonga


8. Titanic Ke Saath Sindhi Bhi Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha
Dost: Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Sindhi: Shukar Hai Maine Return Ticket Nahin Khareeda !

[Guest]

A Biker stops when he notices a young girl who's about to jump off a bridge.
He asks her: Do U mind giving me the final Kiss before you jump?
She quietly accepted & gave him one of the deepest lingering kisses he had ever had.
When she finished, He said: Wow, this is the best Kiss

excuse me, but where is the joke in this?

Forgets it. Why kill the joke twice by dissecting it, Haina.

Here's a less cruel joke for you
Height of over confidence: A man marrying his own secretary, thinking she will follow his orders as before..!!

[Guest]

lol @ sindhi jokes. great ones.

[Guest]

Trust me, it really does!

[Guest]

Shri Ram aur Raavan Bada serious yudh kar rahe the. Tabhi Raavan ne Ram ke peechay kisi ko khada dekha.

Raavan: chal yar bye.
Ram: kya hua?
Raavan : Nahi yaar bas bye, Le sita ko Leja .
Ram: Arre hua kya, Ruk to sahi .
Ravan: Nahi yaar achha I am sorry o.k.
Ram: Dost nahi hai...Bata to sahi hua kya???
Ravan: Kuch nahi bhai baat hi khatam, no tension+no fikar, maje-maar.
Ram: Nahi pehle bata pleeeeeeez,tuje meri kasam, kya hua???

























Ravaan: Bas rehne d yaar, itni si baat pe tune Rajnikanth ko bula liya......

[Idéfix]

LOL. Here is something I just saw:

[Guest]

A Gujju lady visited a bar for the first time,
she sat on the table in front of d bartender;
A guy at her left ordered, "Jack Daniels, Single"
A guy at her right ordered, "Johnny Walker, Single
"
D bartender looked at d lady, said ,"and u?" Lady replied," Pushpa ben Patel, Married"

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