Re: jokes thread (english, hindi, tamil telugu etc.)

[Guest]

What would you reply if somebody wrote you this, 'main tumhare paas bohot badi ass lekar aayi hoon'.

wo to maine dekha jab tumne matha teka...

[seven]

What would you reply if somebody wrote you this, 'main tumhare paas bohot badi ass lekar aayi hoon'.

did sm1 really say it or you made it up? who talks like this since melodramatic movies of 80s

[Nila]

Haha this reminds me of one incident where this guy was forgetting his password for the nth number of upteen times. Once after such reset he seems to fine with his password for a longer period of time. I kept wondering and checked the last conversation mails. The last mail I missed the P in the password. LOL

Finally! An unintention mail saved up.

[Guest]

U.P. govt announced Rs 50,000 to every family with 5 children in house-hold

Gupta had 4 so he tells his wife
Meri girlfriend se mera 1 bachcha hai, use le aata hu. 5 ho jayenge aur Govt 50,000 de degi hume

Gupta bacha leke ghar aaya aur us ne wife se puchha: Bacha agaya hai. Hamare 4 kahan hain?

Wife boli - Jis jis ke the woh le gaye.

[seven]

U.P. govt announced Rs 50,000 to every family with 5 children in house-hold

Gupta had 4 so he tells his wife
Meri girlfriend se mera 1 bachcha hai, use le aata hu. 5 ho jayenge aur Govt 50,000 de degi hume

Gupta bacha leke ghar aaya aur us ne wife se puchha: Bacha agaya hai. Hamare 4 kahan hain?

Wife boli - Jis jis ke the woh le gaye.

[Guest]

[Captain Bhankas]

bhikhari - bhagwan, khana nahi milta. roj bhookh lagti hai. aisa kuch de do jo kitna bhi khane pe khatm na ho.

bhagwan - tathastu. ye le chewing gum.

bhikhari -

[Guest]

Today is Sunday. Forward dis to 15 frnds and you will get another Sunday in seven days. It really works. Ramu ignored this and he got a Monday within 24 hours.

[Petrichor]

An Office...boss is sitting relaxed. He buzzes for his secretary. The young and buxom Secretary walks in, looks at him and gasps slightly. She says, "Sir, You left your garage door open". And she goes back to her seat. The boss scratches his head and then finally figures out that his fly is open. He makes the connection and thinks she probably meant his fly and delicately mentiioned the garage. He has a little smile playing on his face and calls her in again..."Mona darling...when my garage was open, did you see a Hummer inside?"

The Secretary is nonplussed and replies "No Sir, I saw a Mini Cooper with two flat tires"!

[Guest]

An Office...boss is sitting relaxed. He buzzes for his secretary. The young and buxom Secretary walks in, looks at him and gasps slightly. She says, "Sir, You left your garage door open". And she goes back to her seat. The boss scratches his head and then finally figures out that his fly is open. He makes the connection and thinks she probably meant his fly and delicately mentiioned the garage. He has a little smile playing on his face and calls her in again..."Mona darling...when my garage was open, did you see a Hummer inside?"

The Secretary is nonplussed and replies "No Sir, I saw a Mini Cooper with two flat tires"!

joke
/jōk/
Noun
A thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, esp. a story with a funny punchline.
Verb
Make jokes; talk humorously or flippantly.
Synonyms
noun. jest - fun - jape - gag - trick - pleasantry - lark
verb. jest - jape - banter - lark - kid - josh

[Idéfix]

Today is Sunday. Forward dis to 15 frnds and you will get another Sunday in seven days. It really works. Ramu ignored this and he got a Monday within 24 hours.

[Guest]

Jo awwwwwwwwww na kare wo awwwwwwwwrat nahi.

[Guest]

Jo awwwwwwwwww na kare wo awwwwwwwwrat nahi.

aaawww! that's choo cuuuttee!

[Guest]

phor bidya:

[Guest]

Heh. I have created a fake account in my Other name. That and my two kids. I don't need to send request to anyone else. You need just 3 friends to unlock a level. Those two kids have signed in to the two other browsers on my laptop. So I don't even have to wait for them to respond. FYI. I am on level 358 or so.

[Guest]

Heh. I have created a fake account in my Other name. That and my two kids. I don't need to send request to anyone else. You need just 3 friends to unlock a level. FYI. I am ok level 358 or so.

only 3 friends? that is not much. zynga is very pushy. i have stopped playing zynga games for they are struggling. they are trying to move to mobiles platform with "draw something" and are neglecting fb. i think zynga will go down the tube soon (as might facebook). congrats @ lev. 358

[Guest]

Galib vs. gujju

Galid: Mohabbat ki raahon par bohot dard milega
Mohabbat ki raahon par bohot dard milega...

Gujju: Un Rahoon pe wine store kholo, bohot chalega

[seven]

Galib vs. gujju

Galid: Mohabbat ki raahon par bohot dard milega
Mohabbat ki raahon par bohot dard milega...

Gujju: Un Rahoon pe wine store kholo, bohot chalega

that reminds me...(who) is tappu on CH?

[Guest]

Galib vs. gujju

Galid: Mohabbat ki raahon par bohot dard milega
Mohabbat ki raahon par bohot dard milega...

Gujju: Un Rahoon pe wine store kholo, bohot chalega

[Guest]

[Guest]

https://www.facebook.com/video/embed?video_id=10151448776246973

[Guest]

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1CPpqJPlwdi

[Guest]

[yogi]

What Indian advertisements taught us??

1. Kareena has dandruff problem, Katrina has dry hair problem, Shilpa has hairfall problem and Priyanka has chip-chip.

2. If you've a hot wife, make sure your neighbor doesn't use a deodorant in your absence.

3. Your complexion is more important than your qualifications.

4. If there is no salt in your kitchen you can use Toothpaste.

5. Every second oral care brand is No. 1 and recommended by every dentist in India!!!

6. If your daughter is not Ready to Get married, take her to a jewelry/textile shop.

7. Only reason why men use deodorant is to get girls.

8. Most colas cure all kinds of phobias. You will be close to a superman, if you drink these regularly!!

9. All superstars are so poor that they prefer to risk life for a cool drink than to purchase it for Rs:10

10. The special effects in shampoo ads are greater than special effects in Avatar.

11. Fruit content in shampoo and soap is more than fruit content in 99% of juices.

12. Amul has better satirical cartoonists than people who make better milk products.

13. Most people buy vehicles to travel in bad roads but complain about roads in India.

14. You can't eat Dairy Milk Silk without spreading it all over you face.

15. Nobody uses motorbikes for commuting, its only to pick up girls.

16. All soaps kill 99.9% of germs.

17. People believe that Bacardi makes music CD's and Directors special/Kingfisher make mineral water.

18. The only time mothers and daughters talk to each other, it's usually about hair oil.

19. No matter what kind of expert one is, he'll always wear a white laboratory coat.

And, finally this

20.Mutualfundinvestmentsaresubjecttomarketriskspleasereadtheofferdocumentcarefullybeforeinvesting

[seven]

HA - "hey BW, sup?"
BW - "nm. Watching this French silent movie"
HA - "looks like you converted some oxygen to carbon dioxide"
BW - "haha. Yes."

[yogi]

[Guest]

[Merlot Daruwala]

haha..good one

[Captain Bhankas]

lol!

[Bittu]

संता: सुनती हो, "आज हमारे पप्पू ने आधा शब्द बोलना सीखा"।
जीतो (उत्साहित होकर): सच! क्या बोला?
संता: बहन।

[Guest]

संता: सुनती हो, "आज हमारे पप्पू ने आधा शब्द बोलना सीखा"।
जीतो (उत्साहित होकर): सच! क्या बोला?
संता: बहन।

Lol. Took me two reads to get that.

[Merlot Daruwala]

संता: सुनती हो, "आज हमारे पप्पू ने आधा शब्द बोलना सीखा"।
जीतो (उत्साहित होकर): सच! क्या बोला?
संता: बहन।

Haha. Good one.

[Guest]

this is a very old joke but it still makes me laugh:

One Morning in Bangkok

[Guest]

[Guest]

Punjab me 1 Train k niche 100 Sardar aa gaye!

99 Mar gaye..

1 Bach gaya.

Reporter ne Usse Puchha : "Ye Sab Kaise huva.?"

Sardar bola- "Galat Announcement ki vajah se,
Announcmnt huva tha ke Shatabdi Express Platform par aa rahi hai!"
To Sab Ghabra k Platform se Utarkar Patri par Aa gaye!
Par Train Platform par nahi, Patari par Aayi.
Reporter : Aur Aap Samajhdar Nikle Jo Patri par nahi utre!

Sardar : Ji nahi, Mai to Suicide karne Aaya tha, Announcement Sunkar mai Patri se Hatkar Platform Pe Let gaya tha

[Guest]

Punjab me 1 Train k niche 100 Sardar aa gaye!

99 Mar gaye..

1 Bach gaya.

Reporter ne Usse Puchha : "Ye Sab Kaise huva.?"

Sardar bola- "Galat Announcement ki vajah se,
Announcmnt huva tha ke Shatabdi Express Platform par aa rahi hai!"
To Sab Ghabra k Platform se Utarkar Patri par Aa gaye!
Par Train Platform par nahi, Patari par Aayi.
Reporter : Aur Aap Samajhdar Nikle Jo Patri par nahi utre!

Sardar : Ji nahi, Mai to Suicide karne Aaya tha, Announcement Sunkar mai Patri se Hatkar Platform Pe Let gaya tha

 lol

[MaxEntropy_Man]

संता: सुनती हो, "आज हमारे पप्पू ने आधा शब्द बोलना सीखा"।
जीतो (उत्साहित होकर): सच! क्या बोला?
संता: बहन।

Lol. Took me two reads to get that.

!

it's a punjabi joke and bittu is telling it. one read is all it took me.

[Guest]

संता: सुनती हो, "आज हमारे पप्पू ने आधा शब्द बोलना सीखा"।
जीतो (उत्साहित होकर): सच! क्या बोला?
संता: बहन।

Lol. Took me two reads to get that.

!

it's a punjabi joke and bittu is telling it. one read is all it took me.

 you can read devnagari, or did u use a translator? It's hindi btw, not panju.

[MaxEntropy_Man]

संता: सुनती हो, "आज हमारे पप्पू ने आधा शब्द बोलना सीखा"।
जीतो (उत्साहित होकर): सच! क्या बोला?
संता: बहन।

Lol. Took me two reads to get that.

!

it's a punjabi joke and bittu is telling it. one read is all it took me.

 you can read devnagari, or did u use a translator?

i can read devnagari. i thought their pappu would have learned the second half of the word first.

[Guest]

संता: सुनती हो, "आज हमारे पप्पू ने आधा शब्द बोलना सीखा"।
जीतो (उत्साहित होकर): सच! क्या बोला?
संता: बहन।

Lol. Took me two reads to get that.

!

it's a punjabi joke and bittu is telling it. one read is all it took me.

 you can read devnagari, or did u use a translator?

i can read devnagari. i thought their pappu would have learned the second half of the word first.

cool, didn't know that somehow.

[MaxEntropy_Man]

cool, didn't know that somehow.

two years in the cbse system plus some elementary sanskrit. enough to know to read fluently.

[Merlot Daruwala]

संता: सुनती हो, "आज हमारे पप्पू ने आधा शब्द बोलना सीखा"।
जीतो (उत्साहित होकर): सच! क्या बोला?
संता: बहन।

Lol. Took me two reads to get that.

!

it's a punjabi joke and bittu is telling it. one read is all it took me.

 you can read devnagari, or did u use a translator?

i can read devnagari. i thought their pappu would have learned the second half of the word first.

Oh horrors! What next? Will Vee Unkil reveal that he begins his day chanting the Hanuman Chalisa?? *swoon*

[MaxEntropy_Man]

Oh horrors! What next? Will Vee Unkil reveal that he begins his day chanting the Hanuman Chalisa?? *swoon*

i have never hidden the fact that i can speak hindi and read devanagari reasonably well. my positions on language have never been based on my own facility with hindi.

[Guest]

cool, didn't know that somehow.

two years in the cbse system plus some elementary sanskrit. enough to know to read fluently.

Oh now I remember you mentioning you moved to state school in 11th so as to take Tamil as a major or something. Didn't connect the dots to mean the first two years you did learn Hindi. Till now I thought you picked it up only in Mumbai.

[MaxEntropy_Man]

cool, didn't know that somehow.

two years in the cbse system plus some elementary sanskrit. enough to know to read fluently.

Oh now I remember you mentioning you moved to state school in 11th so as to take Tamil as a major or something. Didn't connect the dots to mean the first two years you did learn Hindi.

i had twelve years of tamil. remember in the cbse system it's english, hindi, and one other language. during the two years i spent in the cbse system, that other language was tamil. when i moved back to the state board system i simply jettisoned hindi because in the TN state board you are required to learn only two languages, english and one other language. i was never in a position where i picked hindi instead of tamil.

[Guest]

cool, didn't know that somehow.

two years in the cbse system plus some elementary sanskrit. enough to know to read fluently.

Oh now I remember you mentioning you moved to state school in 11th so as to take Tamil as a major or something. Didn't connect the dots to mean the first two years you did learn Hindi.

i had twelve years of tamil. remember in the cbse system it's english, hindi, and one other language. during the two years i spent in the cbse system, that other language was tamil. when i moved back to the state board system i simply jettisoned hindi because in the TN state board you are required to learn only two languages, english and one other language.

 got it. i am not a hindi fanatic or anything, but this reveal simply made you hot!

[Merlot Daruwala]

cool, didn't know that somehow.

two years in the cbse system plus some elementary sanskrit. enough to know to read fluently.

Oh now I remember you mentioning you moved to state school in 11th so as to take Tamil as a major or something. Didn't connect the dots to mean the first two years you did learn Hindi.

i had twelve years of tamil. remember in the cbse system it's english, hindi, and one other language. during the two years i spent in the cbse system, that other language was tamil. when i moved back to the state board system i simply jettisoned hindi because in the TN state board you are required to learn only two languages, english and one other language.

 got it. i am not a hindi fanatic or anything, but this reveal simply made you hot!

Hey this is an insidious attempt to seduce non-Hindians into learning Hindi. But beware. Vee Unkil fell for a similar spiel nearly a century ago and spent twelve full years learning Thamizh, only to be kicked in the teeth later by the very Iyer gurlz he thought would find him hot.

[Bittu]

cool, didn't know that somehow.

two years in the cbse system plus some elementary sanskrit. enough to know to read fluently.

Oh now I remember you mentioning you moved to state school in 11th so as to take Tamil as a major or something. Didn't connect the dots to mean the first two years you did learn Hindi.

i had twelve years of tamil. remember in the cbse system it's english, hindi, and one other language. during the two years i spent in the cbse system, that other language was tamil. when i moved back to the state board system i simply jettisoned hindi because in the TN state board you are required to learn only two languages, english and one other language.

 got it. i am not a hindi fanatic or anything, but this reveal simply made you hot! :lol:

This comment from Vidya needs a GIF of a dog that's lying down, wagging its tail.

[Bittu]

So there was this professional assassin who charged $1000 a bullet. A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges $1000 a bullet?"

"Yup."

"What if you miss?"

He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss..."

"Okay, we'll I've got $2000 here. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel together right now."

"Let's go," the assassin says.

So they drive to a store across the street from the motel and climb up on the roof. The assassin takes out his rifle and attaches the scope.

"They're in room 21. I want you to shoot her in the head, and I want you to blow his dick off."

The assassin looks through his scope. He keeps staring for several minutes, not taking the shot.

"Well? What are you waiting for!?" the husband asks.

"Hold on two more minutes. I think I can save you $1000."

[Guest]

Santa was caught by adivasis and taken to their king. 

King: isko bandi bana do. 
Santa: nahi please, mujhko banda hee rehne do!

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