Unkils and Aunties

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sun Mar 25, 2012 2:22 pm

Since most here are married, by now they are experienced with the correctness of their spousal choice. So, what kind of spouse you think will be best for your wards?

I realize most would give a standard response "whoever they like they can get married". Agreed. But sure in your own mind you would have certain "hopes."

Of course, the few singles on the board are welcome to outline the kind of Princess or Frog that you are dreaming for?

P.S. The thought came to me as I seem to come across almost every couple from 1 yr to 40 yrs of marriage complaining about their spouses.

by Kris Sun Mar 25, 2012 2:26 pm

P.S. The thought came to me as I seem to come across almost every couple from 1 yr to 40 yrs of marriage complaining about their spouses.

>>>>This is the bane of mankind. Each generation is doomed to repeat the mistakes of prior generations. Why can't this be like sceince, where the knowledge is cumulative?

Smile

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 2:37 pm

Daughter was telling me the other day, 'If there is one thing that I have learned from your life is that I now know what kind of person NOT to marry'. hahaha.

I tell them to get married in their 30s. Coz people change a lot even between their 20s and 30s these days. But by 30s, the rest of the character/life is pretty set. And so is your tolerance level and the urge to hunt. Better to find someone who already fits that small range.

My wish for her is to marry someone who truly loves her. I think I got lucky in that matter, so I know that that can ride so many other odds in life.

My wish for my son is to marry someone very intelligent. An intelligent wife can make a whole lot of difference to the entire family. Don't need to worry about this for my daughter. She has zero patience for dumb.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sun Mar 25, 2012 3:26 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:Daughter was telling me the other day, 'If there is one thing that I have learned from your life is that I now know what kind of person NOT to marry'. hahaha.

I tell them to get married in their 30s. Coz people change a lot even between their 20s and 30s these days. But by 30s, the rest of the character/life is pretty set. And so is your tolerance level and the urge to hunt. Better to find someone who already fits that small range.

My wish for her is to marry someone who truly loves her. I think I got lucky in that matter, so I know that that can ride so many other odds in life.

My wish for my son is to marry someone very intelligent. An intelligent wife can make a whole lot of difference to the entire family. Don't need to worry about this for my daughter. She has zero patience for dumb.

Some of the things that I have observed and read:

In most marriages (of supposedly equals) one turns out to be a dragger and the other dragee

In very few cases of truly equals, the equality itself leads to absence of inter-dependence and the absence of the essential glue in a marriage.

In the rarest of rare cases, it works beautifully but only due to flexibility and sacrifice by both for the sake of the other - which is considered an obsolete concept in present day world of "me, me, and me wonly"

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 4:04 pm

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

I realize most would give a standard response "whoever they like they can get married". Agreed. But sure in your own mind you would have certain "hopes."

My only hope is that they'll be happy with whoever they are married to. My advice? Know the girl for at least 2 yrs, live with her under the same roof for at least 6 months and tie the knot only if they are sure. Else, dump the girl. After they are married, don't bring in the kids into this world until they are sure that this is the woman they want to spend the rest of their life with. Else, get the hell out of the marriage.

Too radical advice, eh? Razz

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 4:11 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:
My wish for her is to marry someone who truly loves her.

Trace, this is the standard bollywood, tollywood and all indian wood movie dialogue....that one would be more happier if one marries the one who truly loves him/her, rather than marrying someone who he/she loves. Need not be true.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sun Mar 25, 2012 4:11 pm

kinnera wrote:
Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

I realize most would give a standard response "whoever they like they can get married". Agreed. But sure in your own mind you would have certain "hopes."

My only hope is that they'll be happy with whoever they are married to. My advice? Know the girl for at least 2 yrs, live with her under the same roof for at least 6 months and tie the knot only if they are sure. Else, dump the girl. After they are married, don't bring in the kids into this world until they are sure that this is the woman they want to spend the rest of their life with. Else, get the hell out of the marriage.

Too radical advice, eh?

Would you have given the same advice to your daughters?

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 4:12 pm

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
kinnera wrote:
Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

I realize most would give a standard response "whoever they like they can get married". Agreed. But sure in your own mind you would have certain "hopes."

My only hope is that they'll be happy with whoever they are married to. My advice? Know the girl for at least 2 yrs, live with her under the same roof for at least 6 months and tie the knot only if they are sure. Else, dump the girl. After they are married, don't bring in the kids into this world until they are sure that this is the woman they want to spend the rest of their life with. Else, get the hell out of the marriage.

Too radical advice, eh?

Would you have given the same advice to your daughters?

I don't like hypothetical questions.

Edit: On second thoughts, why not? Yes, if i had daughters, i would've given the same advice to them too.

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 5:42 pm

kinnera wrote:
Tracy Whitney wrote:
My wish for her is to marry someone who truly loves her.

Trace, this is the standard bollywood, tollywood and all indian wood movie dialogue....that one would be more happier if one marries the one who truly loves him/her, rather than marrying someone who he/she loves. Need not be true.

Well. Bollywood doesn't dream up stuff out of thin air. Seen this wish in all elders in my family, specially for their girls. Coz the one who will love will also commit to it. And if he loves the girl, the rest of the family will also respect her. It's not a filmy advice. It's a practical one. Besides, as a parent of a girl, you can't even imagine any other scenario for her. She is your princess after all. Smile

Also, my dad used to say, 'if the guy is sincerely pursuing the girl, then she should chose that guy. But if a girl is pursuing a guy a lot, then he should not pick her'. I never understood the second part of it, so I asked my mom. She said it's because of the girl's sake herself. If the guy marries her after all her pursuing, he may still not respect her or give her her proper dues. Losing scene for her. On the other hand, in the first case, a girl who has been pursued doesn't keep her airs coz of this, and reciprocates evenly. Win for both.

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 5:50 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:
kinnera wrote:
Tracy Whitney wrote:
My wish for her is to marry someone who truly loves her.

Trace, this is the standard bollywood, tollywood and all indian wood movie dialogue....that one would be more happier if one marries the one who truly loves him/her, rather than marrying someone who he/she loves. Need not be true.

Well. Bollywood doesn't dream up stuff out of thin air. Seen this wish in all elders in my family, specially for their girls. Coz the one who will love will also commit to it. And if he loves the girl, the rest of the family will also respect her. It's not a filmy advice. It's a practical one. Besides, as a parent of a girl, you can't even imagine any other scenario for her. She is your princess after all.

Also, my dad used to say, 'if the guy is sincerely pursuing the girl, then she should chose that guy. But if a girl is pursuing a guy a lot, then he should not pick her'. I never understood the second part of it, so I asked my mom. She said it's because of the girl's sake herself. If the guy marries her after all her pursuing, he may still not respect her or give her her proper dues. Losing scene for her. On the other hand, in the first case, a girl who has been pursued doesn't keep her airs coz of this, and reciprocates evenly. Win for both.

What if the girl doesn't love him as much as the guy loves her? Will she be happy in that marriage?

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:02 pm

kinnera wrote:
Tracy Whitney wrote:
kinnera wrote:
Tracy Whitney wrote:
My wish for her is to marry someone who truly loves her.

Trace, this is the standard bollywood, tollywood and all indian wood movie dialogue....that one would be more happier if one marries the one who truly loves him/her, rather than marrying someone who he/she loves. Need not be true.

Well. Bollywood doesn't dream up stuff out of thin air. Seen this wish in all elders in my family, specially for their girls. Coz the one who will love will also commit to it. And if he loves the girl, the rest of the family will also respect her. It's not a filmy advice. It's a practical one. Besides, as a parent of a girl, you can't even imagine any other scenario for her. She is your princess after all.

Also, my dad used to say, 'if the guy is sincerely pursuing the girl, then she should chose that guy. But if a girl is pursuing a guy a lot, then he should not pick her'. I never understood the second part of it, so I asked my mom. She said it's because of the girl's sake herself. If the guy marries her after all her pursuing, he may still not respect her or give her her proper dues. Losing scene for her. On the other hand, in the first case, a girl who has been pursued doesn't keep her airs coz of this, and reciprocates evenly. Win for both.

What if the girl doesn't love him as much as the guy loves her? Will she be happy in that marriage?

Oh, that was sorta implicit. She has to like/love and respect him too. From what I have seen so far, it's very easy for a girl to love someone and be happy, specially if she is getting a lot of love.

Besides, I didn't understand the 'as much as' part. How does one measure who is loving who more? Can two people love each other equally? Do they have to? The marriage is no good otherwise?

Besides, a marriage doesn't sustain on love alone. There is so much more to the dynamics. Respect, understanding, compromise. It's hard work. If all else is failing, it comes down to, 'how much do they love each other to want to make this work'.

The way I have seen so far, a man can do much more for it if he loves the wife (and/or the kids). If that is not there, it's harder to keep him from walking out.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:25 pm

kinnera wrote:
What if the girl doesn't love him as much as the guy loves her? Will she be happy in that marriage?

Is there a "love meter?"

A woman measures love by how much the guy spends on her, and how sweetly he talks her, and how much he listens to her. A man measures by how much she acts per his wishes, respects his family, willing to sacrifice for him.

Also, in your advise to your sons on living together for 6 months (or 2 years) to get to know well may not work. Bcz before marriage is different from after marriage - despite everything.

The key to realize is that things will change, and each has to be flexible to compromise to resolve the challenges.

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:33 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:
kinnera wrote:
Tracy Whitney wrote:
kinnera wrote:
Tracy Whitney wrote:
My wish for her is to marry someone who truly loves her.

Trace, this is the standard bollywood, tollywood and all indian wood movie dialogue....that one would be more happier if one marries the one who truly loves him/her, rather than marrying someone who he/she loves. Need not be true.

Well. Bollywood doesn't dream up stuff out of thin air. Seen this wish in all elders in my family, specially for their girls. Coz the one who will love will also commit to it. And if he loves the girl, the rest of the family will also respect her. It's not a filmy advice. It's a practical one. Besides, as a parent of a girl, you can't even imagine any other scenario for her. She is your princess after all.

Also, my dad used to say, 'if the guy is sincerely pursuing the girl, then she should chose that guy. But if a girl is pursuing a guy a lot, then he should not pick her'. I never understood the second part of it, so I asked my mom. She said it's because of the girl's sake herself. If the guy marries her after all her pursuing, he may still not respect her or give her her proper dues. Losing scene for her. On the other hand, in the first case, a girl who has been pursued doesn't keep her airs coz of this, and reciprocates evenly. Win for both.

What if the girl doesn't love him as much as the guy loves her? Will she be happy in that marriage?

Oh, that was sorta implicit. She has to like/love and respect him too. From what I have seen so far, it's very easy for a girl to love someone and be happy, specially if she is getting a lot of love.

Besides, I didn't understand the 'as much as' part. How does one measure who is loving who more? Can two people love each other equally? Do they have to? The marriage is no good otherwise?

Besides, a marriage doesn't sustain on love alone. There is so much more to the dynamics. Respect, understanding, compromise. It's hard work. If all else is failing, it comes down to, 'how much do they love each other to want to make this work'.

The way I have seen so far, a man can do much more for it if he loves the wife (and/or the kids). If that is not there, it's harder to keep him from walking out.

A kid cousin of mine married this guy who was pursuing her with this notion of 'i'll be more happy with the guy who loves me' eventhough the guy was less qualified than her and she hadn't much feelings for him. Their marriage is on the rocks now. She's seeking a divorce now (the guy of course is resisting). No kids luckily.

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:42 pm

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
kinnera wrote:
What if the girl doesn't love him as much as the guy loves her? Will she be happy in that marriage?

Is there a "love meter?"

A woman measures love by how much the guy spends on her, and how sweetly he talks her, and how much he listens to her. A man measures by how much she acts per his wishes, respects his family, willing to sacrifice for him.

Also, in your advise to your sons on living together for 6 months (or 2 years) to get to know well may not work. Bcz before marriage is different from after marriage - despite everything.

The key to realize is that things will change, and each has to be flexible to compromise to resolve the challenges.

Refer to my second advice in the same post. Anyway, all said and done, there's no set formula (arranged/love/love+living together etc) to a happy marriage. btw, if the person feels that she/he is compromising, that's not a happy marriage. It's a marriage of convenience/a situation of deeply stuck in the marriage.

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:48 pm

Kinns, looks like she never respected him coz of his education. IMO should not have gone for it. That to me is so much more important.

Other than that, who am I kidding trying to talk like a marriage expert. LOL. Every marriage is different. You are lucky if you could manage your own. Then based on your own experiences, you try to guide them. They may or may not listen. It may or may not work out. You can just expect the best. That's all.

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:52 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:Kinns, looks like she never respected him coz of his education. IMO should not have gone for it. That to me is so much more important.

Other than that, who am I kidding trying to talk like a marriage expert. LOL. Every marriage is different. You are lucky if you could manage your own. Then based on your own experiences, you try to guide them. They may or may not listen. It may or may not work out. You can just expect the best. That's all.

True trace. As i said above, there's no set formula that we can advise the kids. It's their luck, whatever is written in their fate.

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:10 pm

Surprised that no one has quoted Khalil Gibran yet.

Let me do it!

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~jrcole/gibran/prophet/prophet.htm#Marriage

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:15 pm

blabberwock wrote:Surprised that no one has quoted Khalil Gibran yet.

Let me do it!

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~jrcole/gibran/prophet/prophet.htm#Marriage

An ideal (or rather a Utopian) situation.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:16 pm

blabberwock wrote:Surprised that no one has quoted Khalil Gibran yet.

Let me do it!

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~jrcole/gibran/prophet/prophet.htm#Marriage

Kinns said: My only hope is that they'll be happy with whoever they are married to. My advice? Know the girl for at least 2 yrs, live with her under the same roof for at least 6 months and tie the knot only if they are sure. Else, dump the girl. After they are married, don't bring in the kids into this world until they are sure that this is the woman they want to spend the rest of their life with. Else, get the hell out of the marriage.

Do you agree (also?)?

I wonder what MAX would say.

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:19 pm

kinnera wrote:
blabberwock wrote:Surprised that no one has quoted Khalil Gibran yet.

Let me do it!

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~jrcole/gibran/prophet/prophet.htm#Marriage

An ideal (or rather a Utopian) situation.

Not really - brimming with wisdom for a peaceful domestic life.

The modern terminology is "giving each other space".

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:29 pm

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
blabberwock wrote:Surprised that no one has quoted Khalil Gibran yet.

Let me do it!

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~jrcole/gibran/prophet/prophet.htm#Marriage

Kinns said: My only hope is that they'll be happy with whoever they are married to. My advice? Know the girl for at least 2 yrs, live with her under the same roof for at least 6 months and tie the knot only if they are sure. Else, dump the girl. After they are married, don't bring in the kids into this world until they are sure that this is the woman they want to spend the rest of their life with. Else, get the hell out of the marriage.

Do you agree (also?)?

I wonder what MAX would say.

Things may unravel despite the "test drive". I don't really worry too much about what two adults do - marry, break up, separate, divorce, etc.

All I will ask is "if you have kids and you feel the urge to fight, do NOT do it in front of the kids". I know a couple who are constantly at each other's throats in front of their little kid and it disturbs me deeply.

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:43 pm

blabberwock wrote:
kinnera wrote:
blabberwock wrote:Surprised that no one has quoted Khalil Gibran yet.

Let me do it!

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~jrcole/gibran/prophet/prophet.htm#Marriage

An ideal (or rather a Utopian) situation.

Not really - brimming with wisdom for a peaceful domestic life.

The modern terminology is "giving each other space".

Ya, how easy is it to follow it? How many here post/chat while their spouses are watching? How many here are ok with their spouses chatting/posting here?

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:50 pm

kinnera wrote:
blabberwock wrote:
kinnera wrote:
blabberwock wrote:Surprised that no one has quoted Khalil Gibran yet.

Let me do it!

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~jrcole/gibran/prophet/prophet.htm#Marriage

An ideal (or rather a Utopian) situation.

Not really - brimming with wisdom for a peaceful domestic life.

The modern terminology is "giving each other space".

Ya, how easy is it to follow it? How many here post/chat while their spouses are watching? How many here are ok with their spouses chatting/posting here?

Why? What happens on chat that is so secretive that it needs to be hidden from the spouse? Tell tell!

On the other hand, if there are things happening and that needs to be "hidden", time to assess that marriage?

I chat from home and with people around and so I can't really speak for others. (I do wish PI changes her screen ID though!)

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:52 pm

blabberwock wrote:Surprised that no one has quoted Khalil Gibran yet.

Let me do it!

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~jrcole/gibran/prophet/prophet.htm#Marriage

Loved it.

Then Almitra spoke again and said, "And what of Marriage, master?"
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 7:54 pm

On Children

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~jrcole/gibran/prophet/prophet.htm#Children

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 8:03 pm

blabberwock wrote:On Children

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~jrcole/gibran/prophet/prophet.htm#Children

yeah, read that. And it's so true too. You don't own their souls, you just are a means using which they will shape their future.

I read some others too. I liked the Joy and Sorrow one. TS might weep when he reads this:

Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow."
And he answered:
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that hold your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 8:42 pm

blabberwock wrote:
kinnera wrote:
blabberwock wrote:
kinnera wrote:
blabberwock wrote:Surprised that no one has quoted Khalil Gibran yet.

Let me do it!

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~jrcole/gibran/prophet/prophet.htm#Marriage

An ideal (or rather a Utopian) situation.

Not really - brimming with wisdom for a peaceful domestic life.

The modern terminology is "giving each other space".

Ya, how easy is it to follow it? How many here post/chat while their spouses are watching? How many here are ok with their spouses chatting/posting here?

Why? What happens on chat that is so secretive that it needs to be hidden from the spouse? Tell tell!

On the other hand, if there are things happening and that needs to be "hidden", time to assess that marriage?

I chat from home and with people around and so I can't really speak for others. (I do wish PI changes her screen ID though!)

I chat mostly from my home. I have no probs chatting with my husband sitting beside me. But many here can't do that. i didn't tell him that i shared my pics with ppl here though. I'm sure most here didn't tell their spouses abt pic their sharing either. So yeah, what's the limit to 'giving each other space'?
If one doesn't do it, even if one wanted to, because the spouse may not like it isn't an ideal situation either.

Anyway, I appreciate Gibran's wisdom. A long time ago, i had his verses on marriage and children stuck to my refrigerator door.

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 8:47 pm

who was it who said that 100% honesty doesn't work in a marriage. Also, your spouse is your spouse, cannot be your friend in true sense of the word.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sun Mar 25, 2012 9:05 pm

Spouse is often called a "Boss" for a valid reason.

by Guest Sun Mar 25, 2012 10:35 pm

kinnera wrote:
I chat mostly from my home. I have no probs chatting with my husband sitting beside me. But many here can't do that. i didn't tell him that i shared my pics with ppl here though. I'm sure most here didn't tell their spouses abt pic their sharing either. So yeah, what's the limit to 'giving each other space'?
If one doesn't do it, even if one wanted to, because the spouse may not like it isn't an ideal situation either.

Anyway, I appreciate Gibran's wisdom. A long time ago, i had his verses on marriage and children stuck to my refrigerator door.

I don't think banter on chat should be big enough a deal between a couple. Yeah, as long as a few abusive people are put on ignore, chat is largely tame.

The key thing is trust and faith in the other person and giving him/her the freedom to pursue their own interests.

I am taking off my Dear Abby hat now. :-)

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sun Mar 25, 2012 11:26 pm

blabberwock wrote:
I don't think banter on chat should be big enough a deal between a couple. Yeah, as long as a few abusive people are put on ignore, chat is largely tame.

The key thing is trust and faith in the other person and giving him/her the freedom to pursue their own interests.

I am taking off my Dear Abby hat now. :-)

define freedom and "own interests"

by Guest Mon Mar 26, 2012 1:18 am

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
blabberwock wrote:
I don't think banter on chat should be big enough a deal between a couple. Yeah, as long as a few abusive people are put on ignore, chat is largely tame.

The key thing is trust and faith in the other person and giving him/her the freedom to pursue their own interests.

I am taking off my Dear Abby hat now. :-)

define freedom and "own interests"

Freedom to pursue "own interests" like eating microwaved tortillas with peanut butter or turmeric fried bread with fried onions and tomatoes. OK va?

by Merlot Daruwala Mon Mar 26, 2012 1:23 am

blabberwock wrote:
Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
blabberwock wrote:
I don't think banter on chat should be big enough a deal between a couple. Yeah, as long as a few abusive people are put on ignore, chat is largely tame.

The key thing is trust and faith in the other person and giving him/her the freedom to pursue their own interests.

I am taking off my Dear Abby hat now. :-)

define freedom and "own interests"

Freedom to pursue "own interests" like eating microwaved tortillas with peanut butter or turmeric fried bread with fried onions and tomatoes. OK va?

Microwaved tortillas with peanut butter?? Sounds less like giving freedom and more like abetting the perpetration of a gruesome atrocity.

by Guest Mon Mar 26, 2012 1:39 am

Merlot Daruwala wrote:
blabberwock wrote:
Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
blabberwock wrote:
I don't think banter on chat should be big enough a deal between a couple. Yeah, as long as a few abusive people are put on ignore, chat is largely tame.

The key thing is trust and faith in the other person and giving him/her the freedom to pursue their own interests.

I am taking off my Dear Abby hat now. :-)

define freedom and "own interests"

Freedom to pursue "own interests" like eating microwaved tortillas with peanut butter or turmeric fried bread with fried onions and tomatoes. OK va?

Microwaved tortillas with peanut butter?? Sounds less like giving freedom and more like abetting the perpetration of a gruesome atrocity.

Uppili and HK, for reasons known only to themselves, view the freedom to
munch on these delicacies as the height of conjugal bliss.

by Rekz Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:05 am

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:Since most here are married, by now they are experienced with the correctness of their spousal choice. So, what kind of spouse you think will be best for your wards?

I realize most would give a standard response "whoever they like they can get married". Agreed. But sure in your own mind you would have certain "hopes."

Of course, the few singles on the board are welcome to outline the kind of Princess or Frog that you are dreaming for?

P.S. The thought came to me as I seem to come across almost every couple from 1 yr to 40 yrs of marriage complaining about their spouses.

He must be "Good hearted",polite,soft spoken,smart.lovable.decent & neat guy....most importantly he must be elder to my daughter by few yrs...more later..

by Merlot Daruwala Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:25 am

blabberwock wrote:
Merlot Daruwala wrote:
blabberwock wrote:
Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
blabberwock wrote:
I don't think banter on chat should be big enough a deal between a couple. Yeah, as long as a few abusive people are put on ignore, chat is largely tame.

The key thing is trust and faith in the other person and giving him/her the freedom to pursue their own interests.

I am taking off my Dear Abby hat now. :-)

define freedom and "own interests"

Freedom to pursue "own interests" like eating microwaved tortillas with peanut butter or turmeric fried bread with fried onions and tomatoes. OK va?

Microwaved tortillas with peanut butter?? Sounds less like giving freedom and more like abetting the perpetration of a gruesome atrocity.

Uppili and HK, for reasons known only to themselves, view the freedom to
munch on these delicacies as the height of conjugal bliss.

Dunno abt HK but Upps for sure, is kept on a short leash by the missus. So his definition of freedom is somewhat modest. Even before the missus, his definition of the ultimate freedom to pursue "own interests" was: walking down to the city center after 8pm (without getting raped).

by Guest Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:50 am

Merlot Daruwala wrote:Even before the missus, his definition of the ultimate freedom to pursue "own interests" was: walking down to the city center after 8pm (without getting raped).

rofllll

by Impedimenta Mon Mar 26, 2012 7:38 am

my daughter will marry a thenlakai iyenar from ward 72 who is "settled" abroad and who is a teetotaler.

My son will marry the intelligent woman who shall not allow the use of the microwave for heating up tortillas and disallows the spread of peanut butter on the aforementioned tortillas.

hopefully, they follow my dreams.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Mon Mar 26, 2012 10:58 am

Impedimenta wrote:my daughter will marry a thenlakai iyenar from ward 72 who is "settled" abroad and who is a teetotaler.

My son will marry the intelligent woman who shall not allow the use of the microwave for heating up tortillas and disallows the spread of peanut butter on the aforementioned tortillas.

hopefully, they follow my dreams.

Iyenar ? Woww.. I did n't realize you are that progressive.

Tortillas - unless it is made of whole wheat with 300 mg of Omega-3 added and no sat fat.

by Guest Mon Mar 26, 2012 10:59 am

Impedimenta wrote:my daughter will marry a thenlakai iyenar from ward 72 who is "settled" abroad and who is a teetotaler.

can never go wrong with this.

Impedimenta wrote:

My son will marry the intelligent woman who shall not allow the use of the microwave for heating up tortillas and disallows the spread of peanut butter on the aforementioned tortillas.

aiyoo, you don't want him to have the freedom to pursue "own interests"?

by Guest Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:06 am

Impedimenta wrote:my daughter will marry a thenlakai iyenar from ward 72 who is "settled" abroad and who is a teetotaler.

yeah, ward 71 is full of dopeheads. and ward 68 -- let's not even talk about those boys! i hear you!

by Impedimenta Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:28 am

note to self: do not post when half asleep cause it brings to light the other 34567 things wrong with impy Crying or Very sad

iyenar = iyengar

thenlakai = thenkalai

by Impedimenta Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:34 am

wait, i have a question of my own. based on the sub threads and sub responses, who or what is an "own interest"? I would like get my very own interest. please help.

by Guest Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:48 am

Impedimenta wrote:iyenar = iyengar

thenlakai = thenkalai

Wow...thanks!

by Nila Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:25 pm

If at all they ask me for any opinion?! If at all that happens...

I would tell them to marry someone who think they can be their close friends. I feel that friendship is vital in any relationship. If they are comfortable and value each other and take good care of the other as friends, that would suffice...I guess.

I would certainly tell them that "you don't want to argue for everything under the sun" and they would certainly get my point.

It shouldn't be like ..."What do you think of Dharun Ravi?" and don't expect to end it with..."Like I care!"

One shouldn't always get the topic ended with ..."Like I care!" It eventually happens on either side...well, that's my view.

by Nila Mon Mar 26, 2012 2:27 pm

Also who spends less time on vid games, social media and spends quality time for themselves and the society.

by CB Mon Mar 26, 2012 4:52 pm

Get married for the right reasons -- find the right person for you.

No pressure on marriage from me :-) Kid has to come to me and say "I'm getting married."

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Mon Mar 26, 2012 7:35 pm

CB wrote:Get married for the right reasons -- find the right person for you.

But, almost universally, the match and the right reasons change within 60 days of marriage.

No pressure on marriage from me :-) Kid has to come to me and say "I'm getting married (before 35)."

by Guest Mon Mar 26, 2012 7:43 pm

well, that's one of my fears. what if they come and tell me that they are getting married, TOO EARLY. I don't want either of them married before 30, k maybe 28 in her case. She says it's not fair, you yourself got married at 24. And I say, 'exactly'!

Seriously, what was I thinking. I see 24-25 years olds and think they are stupid. And I was a mom at that age! Bought first house at 26-27. Talk about over-confidence.

by Nila Mon Mar 26, 2012 7:49 pm

I am worse in that department...got married at 19 and had a kid at 20. I always tell my son that once you are like 30 you can start dating...He will ask..."Mom! When did you get married?" I tell him 29. His reply is like...Ya right!

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