Mitt Romney Haunted By Past Of Trying To Help Uninsured Sick People

Mitt Romney Haunted By Past Of Trying To Help Uninsured Sick People
http://www.theonion.com/articles/mitt-romney-haunted-by-past-of-trying-to-help-unin,20097/

April 21, 2011 | ISSUE 47•16




Romney claims he wishes he'd never aided helpless sick people.

BELMONT, MA—Though Mitt Romney is considered to be a
frontrunner for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination, the
national spotlight has forced him to repeatedly confront a major
skeleton in his political closet: that as governor of Massachusetts he
once tried to help poor, uninsured sick people.

Romney, who signed the state's 2006 health care reform act, has said
he "deeply regrets" giving people in poor physical and mental health the
opportunity to seek medical attention, admitting that helping very sick
people get better remains a dark cloud hovering over his political
career, and his biggest obstacle to becoming president of the United
States of America.

"Every day I am haunted by the fact that I gave impoverished
Massachusetts citizens a chance to receive health care," Romney told
reporters Wednesday, adding that he feels ashamed whenever he looks back
at how he forged bipartisan support to help uninsured Americans afford
medicine to cure their illnesses. "I'm only human, and I've made
mistakes. None bigger, of course, than helping cancer patients receive
chemotherapy treatments and making sure that those suffering from
pediatric AIDS could obtain medications, but that's my cross to bear."

"My hope is that Republican voters will one day forgive me for making
it easier for sick people—especially low-income sick people—to go to
the hospital and see a doctor," Romney added. "It was wrong, and I'm
sorry."
According to Romney, if he could do things over again, he would do
everything he could to make certain that uninsured individuals got
sicker and sicker until they died. Promising his days of trying to
provide medical coverage to the gravely ill are behind him, Romney said
that if elected president, he would never even think about increasing
anyone's quality of life or trying to lower the infant mortality rate.

In addition, Romney repeatedly apologized for wanting to help people suffering from diabetes, Crohn's disease, and anemia.

"I don't know what got into me back then," Romney said. "Wanting to
make sure people were able to have health insurance if they left their
job. Providing a federally funded website so individuals could compare
the costs of insurance providers. Making certain that somebody who earns
less than 150 percent of the poverty level can receive the same health
care coverage as me or any government official. All I can say is that I
was young and immature, and I am not that person anymore."

"The only solace I can take is in the hope that some of the folks I
helped were terminally ill patients who eventually withered away and
died," Romney added.

Though Romney has apologized profusely, Beltway insiders said he
would need to distance himself from his I-tried-to-help-sickpeople
image. Sources noted that Romney's current promise to take away health
care from anyone who can't afford it is a step in the right direction,
but might not be enough.

"The major strike against Mitt Romney is that he not only tried to help people get medical care, he actually did
help people get medical care," conservative columnist Jonah Goldberg
said. "No other Republican in the field has that type of baggage. And in
the end, in order to defeat President Obama, the GOP needs someone who
has a track record of never wanting to help sick people."

Thus far, Romney is polling strongly in early primary states like New
Hampshire and Iowa, but Republican strategists and voters agree that
even in a general election, his sordid past would continue to dog him.

"I don't think I can vote for someone like that," Pennsylvania
Republican Eric Tolbert said. "He says he's sorry, but how do I know
that's the real Mitt Romney? What happens if he gets elected and tries
to help sick people again?"

"I like Michele Bachmann now," Tolbert added. "Because what this
country needs is a president who doesn't give a fuck about helping
people."